What is it that makes some women in the church say that they want to marry a deacon? First and foremost, a man should not find his identity in serving as a deacon but most of all in being a son of God. The question first should be is he even a true Christian first before any role?
In the book of Acts when the apostles were looking for deacons this was their thought process:
“Therefore, brethren, seek out from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business; but we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word.And the saying pleased the whole multitude. And they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit…and when they had prayed, they laid hands on them.”- Acts 6:3-6
In the BIble, the Deacons were ordained to be the right hand of the apostles, likewise deacons today are the right hand to the priest. He assists the priest in the Holy Mysteries in the altar of God and communicates with the priest on behalf of the people’s issues, he helps the priest in many ways with his service. As such, he has to be trusted as “full of good reputation, the Holy Spirit and wisdom” as the Bible says.
In this moment I was hot and wondering when we will be done taking pictures but was glad to be married to this amazing guy. We carry the cross together on our wedding signifying that we carry the responsibility of the church together as one flesh.
All Marriages have a God given purpose
You have a God given purpose, your future spouse has a God given purpose. Together, you team up to refine each other. There is a blessed service God wants you and your spouse to do whether or not you are clergy. There are many sanctified married couples who do anonymous kind acts in the community, who work to build up the church and help those who are less fortunate, who raise blessed children who go on to become faithful leaders. That is God’s purpose, not for people to be deacons or priest but to live out God’s will for their life doing good in the community, the church and for those they can. It is a beautiful thing to see married couples who strive to live out God’s will, they make impact for generations to come just by being true Christians. A role is not as important to God as striving to live a life of truth, love others as Christ did.
My Experience
When I was single, was seeking God's will and not a role. I was seeking a man of God. Serving the church was a big part of my life so I asked God to send a man who also loved to serve who I could serve with. I wanted a man who could lead me spiritually and who I could respect to be the priest of my home. I didn’t want a man who I would have to drag to church or I would have to lead. I didn’t mind if he was a mezemuran or a deacon but I did want him to put God first in his life and to be able to lead me. When my now husband asked me to enter into courtship with him, I saw him as a man who loved God and who served, his deaconship was something I respected but didn't effect my decision. Although we did discuss these things it wasn’t a factor I based my descision on. I wanted to see if he tried lived a Christian life not just his “title” because that doesn’t necessarily mean he could lead me or a future family closer to God. Since then, we've been working on raising a Christ centered family and growing together in our marriage.
As a deacon, he has certain responsibilities with church that cause him to spend more time, accompany the priest to certain visitations, help people, attend meetings etc... The church is a big part of our life, at times this takes time from us as a family. It is only a small amount now but will increase if he becomes a priest and I have to be ok with that.
Christian first, Deacon second
Some men are deacons but not even living the life of a follower of Christ! Some are simple men in the congregation but living saintly lives. Being a deacon doesn’t necessarily determine his relationship with God. Again our goal is not a rank, status or position but we all must ask ourselves we are living as true Christians.
No deacon would tell you they are worthy to be a deacon, as Christians we are all receivers of God’s kindness and grace. Saying you are a deacon is speaking of God’s will, not depending on their worthiness. We are all unworthy partakers of Christ's divine grace. He allows us to serve Him in different ways and all ways of service are vital to the church.
What does the Bible say about the requirements of a Deacon and his wife? 1 Timothy 3:8-13:
Qualifications for Deacons
“Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain. They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless. Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things. Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well. For those who serve well as deacons gain a good standing for themselves and also great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.”- 1 Timothy 3:8-13
A Deacon is a Future Priest
Most priests if not all in the Tewahdo church began as deacons. If you are a deacon seeking to marry a woman of God or seeking to marry a deacon then you need to keep this in mind.
Deacons: is the woman you are looking to marry going to help you come closer to God, and be helper to you in your journey in priesthood? Is she a stumbling block to your purity? Does she grow you or hinder you? Is she a good example for other females to follow?
Women: If you are in a relationship, do you see your relationship bringing you closer to God? If you were to marry a deacon, do you see yourself being able to be a help to his priesthood? Are you committed to helping the church even if it means it takes your husband away from you and your family at times? Are you prepared for the demands of the priesthood on your husband and family?
That Priest Wife Life
My husband is not a priest as of now but I have observed and spoken to women who are priest’s wives and I can see a certain grace that has been imparted onto them, that grace is needed for them since they are one flesh. The ones I have observed are humble, they are helpful to the congregation in any way they can and they allow him to serve by taking care of many things at home, and they respect their husbands and some also assist him with many things in regard to the church.
Although it is a unique blessing and God imparts his grace, talk to any priest's wife and she will tell you there is a lot of sacrifice involved. It is truly a calling of service for both the priest and his wife. I'm amazed at how the priests that I know closely are constantly praising their wife, from her demeanor to explaining how he could not be as effective without her support.
This is a lifetime commitment to God and the church. If you are a deacon in a relationship or a woman in a relationship with a deacon its important not just to ask yourself if you like or love one another but are you prepared for the life of service that is ahead of you? How do you want to serve God together? Is the person you are with able to handle the journey and commitment ahead? It is definitely something to ask yourselves, pray, and seek guidance and wisdom about. May God guide all of us in our journey to be Christians first!
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